10 Things I Hate About Me
by Hiretsukan
Summary: It's fun and mischief as the sailor senshi get body parts augmented, and one tries to kill the others. This is the complete collection of chapters. Enjoy your reading!
1. WARNING TO MY PEEPS

WARNING!  
  
To the many of you that are too chicken-shit to accept that life isn't all happy-go-lucky, and that there are some really twisted things out there, this story might not interest you. However, to those that love Sailor Moon and love to read fucked up stories about them, this is for you! Although this ISN'T A REAL WARNING, I am happy you read it, because I have nothing better to do right now, and decided to write a parody of "The WARNING" sign. I hope you enjoy the story, and I plan on updating one chapter per week, just like a weekly TV show. So pe patient and enjoy. Second WARNING: the story might take a twist toward NC-17 or even X rated, so don't freak out. 


	2. Session 01: Ami Mizuno

Session 01: Ami Mizuno  
  
* A doctor is reading a file on Ami.  
  
Doctor: So tell me. Why do you want this done again?  
  
Ami: Well, you see. I'm always looked at as the smart, corky girl who has no wilder side.  
  
Doctor: Maybe you should just act differently to get other peoples' respect.  
  
Ami: I've tried that, but it's no use. I need this.  
  
Doctor: Are you certain?  
  
Ami: Yes I'm positive. The bottom line is. I WANT BIGGER TITS!  
  
* Ami jumps out of her chair, her breasts barely jiggle.  
  
Doctor: If that's what you want.  
  
* The next day, the doctor had Ami lie down on the operation table.  
  
Doctor: I'm just going to put you to sleep now. I doubt you'd want to see the inside of your tiny boobs gushing out of your body.  
  
Ami: I wouldn't.  
  
* The doctor put Ami to sleep, and began the operation. Now, being the cheap-ass that he is, he has no helpers. So he does the entire operation on his own, causing a little "accident".  
  
Doctor: There, we're all finished.  
  
* He wakes Ami up.  
  
Doctor: What do you think?  
  
Ami: WHAT THE FUCK! My right tit is three times bigger than my left one!  
  
Doctor: Yeah about that, my bad, I had no one else to help me, so I couldn't see the proportions.  
  
Aim: I'm going to sue you so bad.  
  
Doctor: How about we just have this operation on the house?  
  
Ami: Done.  
  
* Ami quickly walks out of the office. Her communicator blinks. It's Usagi on the other line.  
  
Usagi: Ami! Where are you? This new enemy is kicking my ass and I don't get my new powers until the next episode.  
  
Ami: I'll be there soon.  
  
Usagi: What's holding you up so long?  
  
Ami: Just something personal, I'll be there.  
  
Usagi: Well hurry, or in the name of the moon I fuck you up!  
  
* Usagi hangs up on Ami. Ami takes out her transformation pen.  
  
Ami: MERCURY CRYSTAL POWER - MAKE UP!  
  
* Ami's cloths shred off, and her deformed naked body begins to spin as her sailor senshi uniform comes on.  
  
Ami: I'm coming Usagi!  
  
* Ami arrives at the battle scene. Her skin-tight outfit reveals that her body is not proportional, and everybody stares, (Even the monster).  
  
Rei: Is it just me or does Ami look, different?  
  
Makoto: It's not you. Something is very fucked up with her.  
  
Monster: Who are you?  
  
Ami: I am Sailor Mercury, and in the name of the planet Mercury, you're punished!  
  
* Haruka and Michuru are in the background having a private conversation.  
  
Haruka: You know what Michuru? Looking from this angle I'd say I see Mercury and one of its smaller moons on Ami's chest.  
  
Michuru: Don't be so mean Haruka. Your body ain't too perfect either.  
  
Haruka: Are you still bitching because I don't have a real penis!  
  
Michuru: Shh! Keep it down Haruka. No one else has to know our personal life.  
  
* The scene goes back to Ami who's trying to use her attack.  
  
Ami: Mercury Aqua Rhap... Why are you all laughing at me?  
  
Rei: We're not laughing at you, we're laughing with. No, never mind, we're laughing at you.  
  
Ami: Well stop, I need to concentrate.  
  
Usagi: What did you do to yourself?  
  
Ami: I wanted to show you guys my wild side.  
  
Rei: And even there you managed to screw up.  
  
* Rei starts hysterically laughing at her joke.  
  
Ami: Shut up Rei! I wouldn't be pointing judgment at other people if I were you.  
  
Rei: And what's that mean?  
  
Ami: You're pretty fucked up yourself.  
  
Rei: In what way?  
  
Ami: You build a huge fire inside your house, and then you talk to it. What's that all about?  
  
Rei: That's my premonition time.  
  
Ami: Right, and don't even get me started on your "premonitions".  
  
Usagi: Guys, stop yelling at each other.  
  
* Usagi starts to tear.  
  
Rei: Look what you did now.  
  
Ami: Me?  
  
Rei: Yeah you. You've unleashed "it".  
  
Minako: Maybe her wailing will scare the monster off.  
  
Monster: Not likely.  
  
* The monster swings at Makoto and rips her left arm off.  
  
Makoto: Ah shit! That hurts!  
  
Minako: Well, there goes your left arm.  
  
Makoto: I see that you idiot! Someone call an ambulance!  
  
* Haruka and Michuru are talking.  
  
Haruka: Well, I guess it's time we leave and let these little girls prove they're real senshi.  
  
Michuru: Shouldn't we at least help Makoto? She's losing a lot of blood.  
  
Haruka: She can handle herself pretty well.  
  
Michuru: Haruka, you're no making any sense.  
  
Haruka: You leave that to me.  
  
Michuru: What?  
  
Haruka: That's what I thought.  
  
Michuru: Are you listening to yourself?  
  
Haruka: I drift in and out.  
  
* Haruka and Michuru leave the other girls.  
  
Minako: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!  
  
Monster: Is that the best you've got?  
  
Ami: No it's not!  
  
Usagi: What are you thinking of?  
  
Ami: Just watch.  
  
* Ami goes up to the monster and starts jumping up and down. As she jumps, her deformed breasts jiggle like mad drunken cows, hooked on crack.  
  
Monster: This is too much. I'll just kill myself.  
  
* And with that, the monster lights himself on fire.  
  
Usagi: Job well done senshi! Now Ami, about your tits.  
  
Ami: What about them? The doctor simply messed up. I'm sure I'll do that plenty of times when I'm a doctor.  
  
Minako: She's right. Why when I pretended to be a doctor, I killed a four year-old girl.  
  
Rei: You pretended to be a doctor. Isn't that a crime?  
  
Minako: (in deep thought) It might just be.  
  
Makoto: Guys. Would someone help! I'm dying over here. Guys! HELP!  
  
To be continued. (maybe) 


	3. Session 02: Makoto Kino

Session 02: Makoto Kino  
  
Usagi: It was a good thing we got you to the hospital when we did, huh Makoto?  
  
Makoto: You SUCK! I nearly bled to death out there, and you did nothing.  
  
Rei: But we did, we got you here.  
  
Makoto: No you didn't, I had to walk here by myself, you just showed up two minutes ago.  
  
* The doctor enters the room.  
  
Doctor: Ah, welcome back Ami. I take it you want something else done, right?  
  
Ami: No, you see my friend here is bleeding badly, and I need you to fix her up.  
  
Doctor: I'll have her done in a jiffy.  
  
* The other three senshi leave the room, and the doctor begins work on Makoto.  
  
Doctor: All done.  
  
Makoto: Wow doctor, I feel so much. Ahh! What the fuck did you do to me?  
  
Doctor: I felt that you needed a bigger buttock.  
  
Makoto: Not this big. It sticks out so much.  
  
Doctor: But it's free of charge.  
  
Makoto: In that case, I'll take it!  
  
* Makoto goes to the park where everyone is.  
  
Makoto: Hey everybody.  
  
Everyone: Hey.  
  
Rei: What happened to your ass?  
  
Usagi: Yeah, it looks like someone blew it up.  
  
Makoto: The doctor felt that I needed a bigger buttock.  
  
Ami: Not that big.  
  
Makoto: Don't speak Ami; your tits are the size of Texas. Well, one of them is anyway. The other one can be Georgia.  
  
Chibiusa: Hello everyone!  
  
Everyone: Hey Chibiusa. How was school? Why are we all talking at the same time? Weird. Booger-filling-jelly-poppers! Hey we did it again. And again, this is strange.  
  
* A long pause.  
  
Chibiusa: Anyway, I saw this boy I liked and I think I might have his baby.  
  
Usagi: Ah, that's my daughter. Getting an A+.  
  
Rei: Are you even listening Usagi; Chibiusa's pregnant!  
  
Usagi: What!  
  
Chibiusa: Yes, I couldn't help myself. He was hot, and posing for my art class, NAKED!  
  
Usagi: Still, you're only eleven years old.  
  
Chibiusa: Love has no age.  
  
Minako: Where'd you hear that quote?  
  
Usagi: Have you been reading my porn novels?  
  
Rei: Usagi, you have porn novels?  
  
Usagi: Well, Momaru is always busy at work; I need something to take up my time.  
  
Ami: Why not read a manga?  
  
Usagi: I read everyone that came out, and is going to come out in the next ten years.  
  
Makoto: Let's get back to the issue of my giant ass here.  
  
Chibiusa: Oh wow, that's a big ass. I'm sure you could swallow a 10ft. cock with that thing.  
  
Makoto: You know what, I think I just might.  
  
Usagi: You're going to have sex?  
  
Makoto: You bet!  
  
Usagi: Then could you record it for me? My novels are boring me. I can't seem to blow, since I have to stop reading just so I can figure out what the big words mean.  
  
Makoto: Sure thing. I'll even burn you a DVD.  
  
Usagi: Really? That would be so awesome!  
  
Chibiusa: Usagi, maybe you should cut down on the porn.  
  
Usagi: Chibiusa, maybe you should cut down on the sex. Honestly, as a good parent I think I should report you to child molestation courses.  
  
Chibiusa: You can't.  
  
Usagi: And why not?  
  
Chibiusa: Because, at the age of ten, children are legally old enough to have sex with anyone who is over the age of ten and under sixteen.  
  
Usagi: Who told you that bullshit?  
  
Chibiusa: Momaru. We finally had our "father-to-daughter" talk. And then he stuck it in me. Wow, to be penetrated with the same tool that created me.  
  
Makoto: Chibiusa, you're sick! Anyway, let's go back and talk about how great my ass is.  
  
* Haruka stops by the park.  
  
Haruka: Hey Ami. What's the name of the doctor who did your boob job?  
  
Ami: Doctor Sucksbigdick. Why?  
  
Haruka: No reason. Gotta go!  
  
* Haruka dashes away as a chibi.  
  
Rei: That ho be weird dawg.  
  
Makoto: Will anyone listen to me!!!  
  
To be continued. (maybe) 


	4. Session 03: Haruka Tenno

Session 03: Haruka Tenno  
  
* Haruka and Michuru are in their bedroom. Talking with serious expressions.  
  
Michuru: Haruka, are you sure you want this?  
  
Haruka: Yes I am positive.  
  
Michuru: You are?  
  
Haruka: Not in that way.  
  
Michuru: Oh.  
  
Haruka: I've been good, and I want it NOW!  
  
Michuru: Okay, okay don't be all like that. But you know it'll probably hurt a lot.  
  
Haruka: Only for a little while, then it'll be fun.  
  
Michuru: If you're sure. Than. I guess you can have that surgery done on ya.  
  
Haruka: (Smiles like a little kid) Oh thank you! This'll be great, and you won't be disappointed.  
  
Michuru: I sure hope not, we're paying good money for this.  
  
* Haruka drives to Dr. Sucksbigdick's office.  
  
Haruka: Hello doctor.  
  
Doctor: Ah, hello Haruka. Are you ready for you "job"?  
  
Haruka: Yes, let's do it, fast.  
  
Doctor: Follow me.  
  
* The doctor and Haruka enter a surgery room. Haruka looks to her right and sees a ten year-old girl getting breast implantation.  
  
Haruka: Uh doctor. What is your age limit for surgeries?  
  
Doctor: I don't have one. People come in, and give me money so they look pretty. It's a very rewarding job.  
  
Haruka: Fascinating.  
  
* The doctor does his thing with Haruka, and sends her off.  
  
* Haruka arrives back at home.  
  
Haruka: Well Michuru, what do you think?  
  
Michuru: Wow, its great!  
  
Haruka: You think so?  
  
Michuru: Oh yes! I'm gonna LOVE playing on that thing.  
  
Haruka: Wanna nickname it?  
  
Michuru: How about. "My Trident".  
  
Haruka: Work for me.  
  
* Back at the park, the inner senshi are discussing Ami's breasts.  
  
Ami: Guys, will you PLEASE stop talking about my boobs.  
  
Rei: We can't, it's like looking into a pendulum. They're so. so. (Rei vomits all over Ami)  
  
Ami: EWW! Rei what the fuck was that for?  
  
Rei: I'm sorry. (She runs off.)  
  
Makoto: So, how 'bout my ass, ain't it great.  
  
Chibiusa: Makoto, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no one really gives a shit about your motha-fucking ass. You hear me G.  
  
Makoto: That the hell's "G" mean?  
  
Chibiusa: Hell if I should know. I just hear my hot stud Momaru say it all the time when he's rimming me in the back.  
  
Usagi: Chibiusa, you know Momaru is only meant for me.  
  
Chibiusa: But he's SO BIG, you have to share him.  
  
Minako: She does, with me. (She smiles.)  
  
Ami & Makoto: You too?  
  
Everyone: Wow! Momaru's a pimp! Hey, there we go talking at the same time again.  
  
Usagi: Again.  
  
Ami: Makoto, I'm happy to say that I'll gladly lick your ass.  
  
Makoto: What the fuck's wrong with you? I just want you guys to ADMIRE it, not PLAY with it!  
  
Ami: Sorry. (Blushes)  
  
Rei: I'm back!  
  
Usagi: And. no one gives a damn.  
  
Chibiusa: I give a damn. I need to ask her an important question.  
  
Rei: What?  
  
Chibiusa: My new "boyfriend" says he'd really like it if I had a three-way with him. And I was gonna ask Usagi, but I figured that she's so fat, it'll be more of a four-way.  
  
Usagi: You little bitch!  
  
* Usagi starts chasing Chibiusa with a mallet.  
  
Usagi: DIE you little good-for-nothing, father-fucker of a whore!  
  
Chibiusa: Can't catch me!  
  
* Usagi catches up, and smacks Chibiusa over the head with the mallet. Chibiusa falls into a comma.  
  
Rei: Oh my god! Usagi what the fuck did you do to Chibiusa?  
  
Usagi: I hit her over the head with this metal mallet. What did it look like?  
  
Ami: She's not breathing!  
  
Makoto: We have to rush her to the hospital!  
  
* Ami, Rei, and Makoto run to the hospital with Chibiusa.  
  
Minako: Well, I might as well say something positive about what just happened. Great aiming Usagi!  
  
Usagi: Thank you.  
  
* Usagi and Minako skip to the hospital like it was a carefree day.  
  
Usagi: I don't get it. I hit her, and she fainted.  
  
Minako: That's what usually happens.  
  
Usagi: But I always thought that bitchy, whores never die.  
  
Minako: No, no that's "whores never spit", but yeah they die all the time. Usually between 9-11 pm.  
  
* They continue skipping along until they reach the hospital.  
  
Usagi: We're here.  
  
Rei: Hello Usagi. I have some bad news.  
  
Usagi: What?  
  
Rei: It seems that Chibiusa's hit to the head caused her bigger intestine to stop functioning.  
  
Usagi: But how?  
  
Ami: It's a simple equation developed by Isaac Newton.  
  
Usagi: Oh who asked you, tits-for-brains?  
  
Rei: (Serious voice) Well, the doctor said she could never have a three- way in her life.  
  
Usagi: (Depressed) NOOO! (Starts wailing.)  
  
Ami: Look Rei, you've unleashed "it" again.  
  
Rei: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Here let me screw you.  
  
Usagi: What?  
  
Rei: I mean, let me give you a tissue.  
  
Usagi: You're such a good friend, even though you're a complete bitch.  
  
Rei: Aww, that's so thoughtful.  
  
* Back at Haruka and Michuru's house.  
  
Michuru: Ow! Don't put it in so deep.  
  
Haruka: I'm sorry, I just not used to having one, especially not one this big.  
  
Michuru: (Frustrated) I don't care if you have a 10ft. cock surgically attached to you, you've got to take it easy.  
  
Haruka: (Angry) You know what? Maybe if your pussy wasn't so little, I could get it in the entire way.  
  
Michuru: (Mad) Well I guess I have to fix that, don't I?  
  
Haruka: (Confused) What did you have in mind?  
  
Michuru: (Seductively) Oh ho ho ho ho! I've got a GREAT idea. (Continues laughing with an evil smile. 


	5. Session 04: Chibiusa Tsukino

Session 04: Chibiusa Tsukino  
  
NOTE: The following session might not be as funny as the past (or future) ones. But I hope you enjoy it. I'll be making shit at the top of my head.  
  
* Chibiusa is in the surgery bed. She's thinking about the boy she screwed the other day.  
  
Chibiusa: Boy, that sure was one CRAZY fifth period. And even though my large intestine is crushed, my spirit and my craving for cock will never perish!  
  
* The doctor knocks on the door.  
  
Doctor: Hello Chibiusa. How are you doing?  
  
Chibiusa: I've been better.  
  
Doctor: Now, I know this may be traumatizing for you, but if it'll make you feel better, I'll be happy to fix you up.  
  
Chibiusa: In what way?  
  
Doctor: With a plastic surgery of course. And since you are under the are of eighteen, I'll make it on the house.  
  
Chibiusa: Really?  
  
Doctor: Sure. So, what do you want fixed?  
  
Chibiusa: Well, at the moment, I'd like a new large intestine, so that I may have three-way again.  
  
Doctor: Anything you wish. I'll just go pick one up. There's a 90 year- old man on his deathbed, with only 99.9% chance of surviving the cancer.  
  
Chibiusa: Oh thank you doctor!  
  
* Back at Usagi's house.  
  
Rei: Usagi what the hell were you thinking?  
  
Usagi: You know damn well that I NEVER think before my actions.  
  
Rei: It shows.  
  
Makoto: Hey, let's no argue, but instead, lighten up our spirits by admiring my giant, juicy ass.  
  
Ami: Are you still on that?  
  
Makoto: You bet!  
  
Minako: Makoto, I thought I was very clear when I said, no one cares about you.  
  
Makoto: You never said that.  
  
Minako: Well sure I did.  
  
Makoto: Not to me.  
  
Minako: Then who?  
  
* There's a depressed mother on the roof of a skyscraper, and she's holding her two, 1 year-old babies.  
  
Woman: That strange blonde-haired girl was right. No one does care about me. (Starts wailing.  
  
* The woman jumps off the building with her two babies. She falls on top of a car, and splatters all over the cement. A man walks by.  
  
Man: Damn! I guess Jenny Jones is back on for another season.  
  
* Back at Usagi's house.  
  
Ami: Guys, maybe we should go back to studying for our high-school entrance exams.  
  
Usagi: Entrance exams? What the fuck is you talking about? We took that shit five years ago, and now we're in college.  
  
Ami: Oh that's right. I guess I just got used to saying it in the third season that it just stuck with me.  
  
Makoto: So let's get it unstuck and admire my ass.  
  
Minako: Makoto, for the last time.  
  
Makoto: Oh shut up Minako. You're just jealous.  
  
Minako: (Starts crying) You don't have to rub it in! (Runs off)  
  
Usagi: Poor Minako. So who's up for a trip to the theater?  
  
Rei: What's playing?  
  
Usagi: "The Vagina That Sucked Everything", I heard it's a classic horror/porn-flick.  
  
Rei: I'm in a mood for action.  
  
Usagi: Then we should go see "007 in: The Whore That Never Spat."  
  
Makoto: I second that!  
  
Ami: I'm up for it.  
  
Usagi: Then it's settled. We leave in the morning.  
  
Rei: I thought we're gonna watch it today?  
  
Usagi: Yeah, that's what I said.  
  
Rei: No you said.  
  
Makoto: Let's not start another argument. We'll watch it today, and in the process, admire my ass.  
  
Rei: I swear, one more time I hear ass, I'll pop a cork in it.  
  
Makoto: Be cruel! But you know what? One day, there will be a huge black hole on this planet, and my ass will be the only thing powerful enough to stop it. But due to the fact that you guys don't listen to me, and admire my ass, it won't be there to save YOUR asses!  
  
Ami: I'm sorry, but. what the FUCK did you say?  
  
Makoto: I don't repeat myself, unless I'm in bed with a hot man. Then I'll do it as many times he wants me to.  
  
Rei: Let's just go to the movie!  
  
* The gang walks off to the movies. Back at the hospital.  
  
Chibiusa: Are you sure I can have a three-way now?  
  
Doctor: Positive.  
  
Chibiusa: Well, thank you.  
  
* Chibiusa goes to Usagi's house. She reads a note that says they've gone to the movies.  
  
Chibiusa: Aw shit! Why didn't they wait? Oh, well.  
  
* Chibiusa walks into Usagi's house.  
  
* At Michiru and Haruka's house...  
  
Michiru: So Haruka. Have you figured out what I'm gonna do in the next chapter?  
  
Haruka: No. And frankly, I'm scared.  
  
Michiru: Good. Cuz we gon have "fun".  
  
* Haruka gulps in tension.  
  
To be continued.(maybe) 


	6. Session 05: Michiru Kaioh

Session 05: Michiru Kaioh  
  
* At Michiru's and Haruka's house, Michiru was telling Haruka about the "fun" they'd have in the next chapter. which is this one.  
  
Michiru: Bye Haruka. I'm going. out for a while.  
  
Haruka: Don't do anything stupid.  
  
* Michiru leaves the house. A few minutes later she arrives at Dr. I forgot his name, but it's the same doctor for all the chapters.   
  
Michiru: Hello doctor.  
  
Doctor: Well, well, if it isn't the rich bitch.  
  
Michiru: It's good to see you again, too.  
  
Doctor: Shall we get started?  
  
Michiru: I don't see why not.  
  
* The doctor begins work. Three hours later, Michiru is examining her "job".  
  
Doctor: You like?  
  
Michiru: Very much indeed. So how much will it cost?  
  
Doctor: Well, you see. I sort of implanted the AIDS virus into you.  
  
Michiru: You what!  
  
Doctor: Yeah, you have about two years to live.  
  
Michiru: Oh my god!  
  
Doctor: But if it'll make you feel better, the operation's on the house.  
  
Michiru: Really! Jolly oh joy!  
  
Doctor: You seem happy.  
  
Michiru: A free operation! I wouldn't care if you got the Ebola in me.  
  
Doctor: Funny you should say that.  
  
Michiru: Why? What did you do?  
  
Doctor: I use this one needle I was supposed to examine and not actually use in operating, but I was out of needles and I'd have had to go all the way to the Wall*Mart to get a new operating needle, and I was like, "I isn't goin' there gurlfrend."  
  
Michiru: So I have the AIDS and the Ebola viruses in me at this time.  
  
Doctor: Pretty much.  
  
Michiru: Well, I'm not going to die alone!  
  
Doctor: What?  
  
* Michiru grabs the doctor, and ties him to a chair. She unzips his pants and rips off the thong he's wearing. She then pulls up her operating gown and slides down on the doctor.  
  
Michiru: You like it, don't ya bitch.  
  
Doctor: Oh! Yes, yes! Harder!  
  
Michiru: Harder? What the fuck, you gay or something?  
  
Doctor: I prefer jovial.  
  
Michiru: So how does a girl feel?  
  
Doctor: You're actually a bit weaker than my cousin. But boy do you top my sister.  
  
Michiru: Eww! You nasty. Well, anyway, I'm only fucking you so you get AIDS.  
  
* Michiru continues pleasuring the doctor until he climaxes. The operating room door opens and it's the doctor's boyfriend.  
  
Doctor: Kris!  
  
Boyfriend: How could you Mike? You promised me that that would only enter my ass.  
  
Doctor: She forcibly did this!  
  
Boyfriend: You expect me to believe this. Just like you expected me to believe that I came out of a vagina.  
  
Doctor: But you did. We all did.  
  
Boyfriend: I don't want to hear anymore of your lies.  
  
Michiru: The doctor's right, I did force him into this. Any you did come out of my vagina.  
  
Boyfriend: Out of whose?  
  
Michiru: I mean a vagina.  
  
* Michiru leaves the two guys alone.  
  
Boyfriend: Now we're alone, in this operating room.  
  
Doctor: And?  
  
Boyfriend: Well, you know. We could.  
  
Doctor: Could what?  
  
Boyfriend: You know.  
  
Doctor: No I don't.  
  
Boyfriend: We could operate on each other.  
  
Doctor: That's my kind of thinking.  
  
* Back at Haruka and Michiru's house.  
  
Haruka: So where were you for the past three hours and two minutes?  
  
Michiru: I got a plastic surgery done.  
  
Haruka: Really? On what?  
  
Michiru: It's a surprise for tonight.  
  
Haruka: And that took three hours and two minutes.  
  
Michiru: No. The surgery took three hours. The two minutes I spent screwing a gay doctor and giving him AIDS.  
  
Haruka: That's my girl.  
  
* Back at the Tsukino residents.  
  
Usagi: How are you feeling Chibiusa?  
  
Chibiusa: Pretty good. I'm excited about this weekend. Are you?  
  
Usagi: Why should I be excited?  
  
Chibiusa: Because you promised me you'd help my boyfriend experience a three-way.  
  
Usagi: Yeah about that. You see, last night before I went to sleep, I took a pregnancy test and.  
  
Chibiusa: And?  
  
Usagi: I'm pregnant with you.  
  
Chibiusa: Why didn't you say earlier?  
  
Usagi: I didn't want you to feel jealous. You know, now that you'll be born soon, you might get a little jealous because you will be getting all of the attention.  
  
Chibiusa: I won't get jealous.  
  
Usagi: That's great. But you see now. Pregnant women shouldn't have sex. So I can't.  
  
Chibiusa: Oh it's okay. Makoto's been begging me to take her anyway. She wants to show off her amazing ass.  
  
Usagi: I'm happy it could all work out.  
  
Chibiusa: So is that why you were screaming last night?  
  
Usagi: No. I was screaming because I recently heard Lizzie McGuire is going into another season.  
  
Chibiusa: Oh my god, no!  
  
Usagi: There, there. (Gently pampers Chibiusa's crying head.)  
  
* Meanwhile, at Rei's Grandfather's Temple.  
  
Rei: Hey Ami, can you strip for me?  
  
Ami: What? Why?  
  
Rei: I'm doing a Physics project, and I need to see you enormous boob.  
  
Ami: Why do you need to see my boob for physics?  
  
Rei: Oh you know; I'm doing a project on objects that defy gravity and reason.  
  
Ami: Well all right.  
  
* Ami pulls up her shirt, revealing her deformed boobs.  
  
Rei: Now hold still while I observe.  
  
* Rei quickly takes out a camera and flashes Ami holding her shirt up.  
  
Rei: BINGO! Penthouse Magazine, here I come.  
  
Minako: You fell right into that one.  
  
Ami: How so?  
  
Minako: We're not doing that project until next week, stupid shit.  
  
Ami: That's right.  
  
Makoto: Hey gals. Did you hear?  
  
Minako & Ami: What?  
  
Makoto: Michiru got an operation and gave a gay doctor AIDS.  
  
Minako: Really?  
  
Ami: That's wonderful. (All happy and joyous)  
  
* At Setsuna's house.  
  
Hotaru: Hey Setsuna?  
  
Setsuna: Yes?  
  
Hotaru: When are you and I going to get surgeries?  
  
Setsuna: Me, the next chapter. You, when you're old enough.  
  
Hotaru: But Chibiusa got a surgery, and she's one year younger than I.  
  
Setsuna: Now don't you smart mouth me younga. I be your guardian now.  
  
Hotaru: Why are you talking like that?  
  
Setsuna: Like how? This here be my accent, always.  
  
Hotaru: What?  
  
Setsuna: Don't be back talking. Now get! Get-from-here! (She hit Hotaru over the head with a newspaper.)  
  
Hotaru: Ow! You'll pay for that you bitch! (Hotaru runs off laughing evilly.)  
  
Setsuna: Now, back to ma readin'.  
  
To be continued.(maybe) 


	7. Session 06: Setsuna Meioh

Session 06: Setsuna Meioh  
  
* At Setsuna's house.  
  
Setsuna: I be goin' to that docta' ova there.  
  
Hotaru: I hope you get in an accident and get your arms and legs ripped off, and a rod goes through you vagina right before you die!  
  
Setsuna: I see you leyda.  
  
* Setsuna leaves, and arrives at the doctor's office.  
  
Boyfriend: Bye you stud.  
  
Doctor: I'll see you later.  
  
* The boyfriend leaves.  
  
Doctor: What can I do you for?  
  
Setsuna: You ain't doing me. Now I comma here to get my race changed.  
  
Doctor: Your what?  
  
Setsuna: My race. I wanna have a written record of my true race.  
  
Doctor: And what would that be?  
  
Setsuna: It be black; pure chocolate in and out.  
  
Doctor: Eww. Anyway, I can't change records I only do operations.  
  
Setsuna: So it be like that?  
  
Doctor: Like what?  
  
Setsuna: You help anyone who comma in here, but you won't help me.  
  
Doctor: That's because I give them opera.  
  
Setsuna: No, it be cause I'm a black woman. No respect.  
  
Doctor: What the hell are you talking about?  
  
Setsuna: You ain't helpin' me 'cuz I'm black.  
  
Doctor: That's not it. I just can't change legal records.  
  
Setsuna: No, I know what it be. I see you in court.  
  
Doctor: Please don't make threats you can't keep.  
  
Setsuna: What! Now you think I'm foolin'? I kill you! I kill you!  
  
Doctor: Guards, get rid of her.  
  
* Two guards come and drag Setsuna away.  
  
* On her way back home, Setsuna ran through a speeding red light. She crashed into another car, and went flipping six times, before the car finally stopped and started sliding across the street. A truck carrying big metal poles was also in the accident, and the pole ran through Setsuna's car windshield and mutilated her arms and legs. Then a final pole ripped through her vagina, and out her head. Hotaru sat on her bed, smiling.  
  
* Back at Haruka's and Michiru's house. Later that night.  
  
Haruka: So Michiru, what's that surprise?  
  
Michiru: Take a look.  
  
* Haruka gazed at Michiru's vagina.  
  
Haruka: Damn, that's huge!  
  
Michiru: You wanna try it out. Just push and hear me talk.  
  
* Haruka and Michiru got into a sensually arousing act. Haruka's gigantic penis filled Michiru's enormously thick vagina with artificial semen.  
  
Michiru: Ahh! You're good with that thing!  
  
Haruka: I practiced.  
  
* Back at former Setsuna's house.  
  
Hotaru: Well, I already got rid of one of the outer senshi. Now it is time to finish the rest, so I Sailor Saturn will reign over this pitiful planet. Now, how should they die? Oh I know, this'll be hilarious!  
  
* Back at Haruka's and Michiru's house.  
  
Michiru: Haruka, you need to be gentler with that thing. It's a massive weapon.  
  
Haruka: Don't worry; I'll be easy on you.  
  
* Haruka kept on at it with Michiru until she shot another load, except this time, she shot acid into Michiru's vagina.  
  
Michiru: Oh god it burns! Ahh!  
  
* The acid flew through Michiru's body and came out of her mouth and eyes. Michiru dropped dead on Haruka's erected body.  
  
Haruka: Michiru, Michiru? Oh no, she's dead! And I'm still horny. Damn it!  
  
* Haruka kept on screwing Michiru's dead corpse.  
  
To be continued. (maybe) 


	8. Session 07: Minako Aino

Session 07: Minako Aino  
  
A NOTE: I understand that some of my readers appreciate good humor, and not sick, porno crap. So I'll try to make Sessions 7-10 just pure comedy with a pinch of perverted ness... and a lot of sick crap. Enjoy the last couple of chapters!  
  
* Minako is in her bedroom reading Teen Magazine.  
  
Minako: You know Artemis; I've been meaning to get highlights.  
  
Artemis: But you're blonde.  
  
Minako: Just because I'm blonde, doesn't make me any less capable of highlighting my hair!  
  
Artemis: I don't mean it like that I just-  
  
* Minako grabs Artemis.  
  
Minako: You're a hater!  
  
* She chugs him out the window.  
  
Artemis: Ahh!  
  
Minako: Maybe that'll teach you!  
  
* A next-door neighbor saw what Minako did.  
  
Mrs. Neighbor: Honey, I just saw that next-door blonde girl throw her cat out the window.  
  
Mr. Neighbor: Now, now, you were probably imagining it.  
  
Mrs. Neighbor: I was not! She threw him at me.  
  
Mr. Neighbor: Well, just ignore it. She's a blonde and we have to respect her religion.  
  
* Minako arrives at Rei's temple where the girls are talking.  
  
Makoto: So I propose that we create a 5-minute break at these gatherings and stare at my a-  
  
Rei: I swear if you finish that, I will rape you, slice your throat open, and make it look like suicide.  
  
Minako: Hey guys! I have great news! I've decided to get highlights.  
  
* Usagi, Ami, Rei, and Makoto stare at Minako with blank faces.  
  
Ami: Um, Minako. You do understand that you are blonde. Right?  
  
Minako: How dare you! I'd expect Rei to say something that cruel, but you Ami? No, you weren't that way!  
  
Makoto: (To Usagi) Why is she acting like a soap-star?  
  
Usagi: Beats me. Minako, what they mean is that it wouldn't show up on your hair.  
  
Minako: You're just jealous!  
  
* Minako runs away wailing.  
  
Rei: That girl got issue! You feel me?  
  
Makoto: What?  
  
Rei: I say, you feel me? Gurl?  
  
Makoto: Um... Sure.  
  
* Minako runs into Haruka's apartment and sees Haruka on top of Michiru.  
  
Minako: Hey Haruka! I'm sorry to just barge in while you're intimate with Michiru, but I need reassurance.  
  
Haruka: What kind of reassurance?  
  
Minako: No one thinks I can get highlights because I'm blonde.  
  
Haruka: You can't.  
  
Minako: You too! Why?  
  
Haruka: Because-  
  
Minako: Spare me your lec... lec... stuff! I will get one, you just wait! And by the way, I think Michiru's not satisfied! It looks like she's dead from boredom.  
  
* Minako runs out of the apartment, and goes to Hotaru's house.  
  
Minako: Hey Hotaru!  
  
Hotaru: What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Minako: I need your advice.  
  
Hotaru: Shoot.  
  
Minako: I want to get highlights, but no one thinks-  
  
Hotaru: Let me stop you there. You CAN'T get highlights, because your hair is too light. No one would notice. However, knowing you, all I said was mumbling in your head, so you go get your highlights. I recommend you visit the doctor that gave the other girls surgeries.  
  
Minako: Thank you for understanding!  
  
* Minako runs out of the apartment. She arrives at the surgery hospital.  
  
Minako: Hello, Mr. Doctor?  
  
Doctor: Hello. How may I help you?  
  
Minako: Yes, I'm looking to get highlights.  
  
Doctor: All right, right this way.  
  
Minako: You mean you're not going to tell me how I can't get them because I'm blonde.  
  
Doctor: No, because I'm a doctor. I don't care about your retarded decisions; I just want your money.  
  
Minako: Oh, okay!  
  
* The doctor begins with the highlights. After three hours he's done.  
  
Doctor: What do you think?  
  
Minako: I love it! It looks staggering! Did I just say staggering?  
  
Doctor: Yes. You might be experiencing that you're smart now. See, I accidentally burned your brain with the acids I used for the highlights. So I simply took a brain I had in storage, and replaced them.  
  
Minako: Why are you keeping brains in-  
  
Doctor: No more questions. You're highlights are free since I replaced your brain.  
  
Minako: Splendid.  
  
* Minako goes back to Rei's temple.  
  
Minako: ?ao ladies!  
  
Ami: Are you okay?  
  
Minako: I'm simply exquisite! How are you?  
  
Ami: Fine, I guess. You don't sound okay.  
  
* The Senshis' beepers go off.  
  
Usagi: It's an enemy! It's at a festival.  
  
* The girls arrive at the festival.  
  
Usagi: hey you! Stop right there!  
  
Monster 2: Huh? Who're you?  
  
Usagi: I'm glad you asked. I'm the champion-  
  
Minako: We don't have time for talking, just shoot him.  
  
Usagi: Nut my powers a nemocracy. They heal.  
  
Minako: Fine! Crescent Beam!  
  
* Minako rips the monster's arms off.  
  
Monster 2: Ow! You bitch!  
  
* The monster shoots an electrical ball at Minako. She jumps out of the way, and the ball hits Makoto, decapitating her.  
  
Usagi: Oh my god!  
  
Ami: Gross!  
  
Rei: Makoto!  
  
Minako: You have to do better than that!  
  
Monster 2: Fine!  
  
* He shoots at her again while she's in the air. She grabs a metal pan, and the electricity shoots back at the monster.  
  
Usagi: Minako! When did you get so smart?  
  
Minako: This morning. The doctor got me a better brain.  
  
Ami: Minako, look out!  
  
* A supporting beam breaks off of the festival stage and hits Minako over the head.  
  
Rei: Are you okay Minako?  
  
Minako: (Waking up) Huh?  
  
Ami: She looks okay.  
  
Minako: Why's everyone staring at me?  
  
Usagi: You're alive!  
  
Minako: Why wouldn't I be?  
  
Usagi: Because a supporting beam hit you over the head.  
  
Minako: It did? Ow!  
  
Ami: As long as you're all right.  
  
* The four senshi walk away. Makoto's decapitated body lies dead at the festival. No one seems to notice it.  
  
Continued later. (maybe) 


	9. Session 08: Rei Hino

Session 08: Rei Hino  
  
Narrator: The following is a documentary of one of Japan's most bizarre incidents. This historical documented footage is the only one we have of this little girl. On a hot summer day in August, five local teens named: Usagi, Ami, Rei, Minako, and Chibiusa were involved in one of the world's most baffling massacres. This tragedy has affected us all, but no one more than a local mangako named Naoko Takeuchi. We have simply called these tragic events, which you are about to read, "The Tomoe Sharp-blade Massacre". We will begin our documentary here, and Hino Temple where current owner Rei is cleaning it.  
  
* The narrator walks up to Rei.  
  
Narrator: Hello.  
  
Rei: What are you doing here? This is a documentary; you're not supposed to be here! Go back into the black and white picture television.  
  
Narrator: Very well.  
  
* The narrator goes back into the black and white picture television.  
  
Narrator: I will now play you, the reader, this documentary. Enjoy.  
  
* Rei is sweeping her temple. Usagi walks up to her.  
  
Usagi: Hey Rei!  
  
Rei: Stay away demon!  
  
* She hits Usagi over the head with her broom.  
  
Rei: Oh, sorry Usagi.  
  
Usagi: What's wrong?  
  
Rei: I had a strange dream last night.  
  
Usagi: Cool, anyway, Ami and Minako want us to go to Makoto's house.  
  
Rei: Why?  
  
Usagi: I don't know. Something about giving her our respects.  
  
Rei: Why?  
  
Usagi: She died.  
  
Rei: If we HAVE to. I'll go get dressed.  
  
* Rei comes back nicely dressed. They head off. Soon they arrive at a farmhouse.  
  
Doorman: Welcome to the Kino House. If you look to your right, you'll see a meat factory, and to your left a service station. If you are to experience being chased by a crazy, skin-disease stricken madman, please go to the service station and NOT the meat factory. Everyone ALWAYS goes to the meat factory.  
  
Usagi: Hi, we're here for Makoto's funeral.  
  
Doorman: Right this way. And remember, NOT THE MEAT-FUCKING-FACTORY!!!  
  
Rei: Okay, okay. Sheesh, what a fag.  
  
* Usagi and Rei walk in to see Ami, Minako, and Chibiusa waiting for them.  
  
Ami: Why are all of these people so sad?  
  
Minako: I know; it's like they lost someone died or something.  
  
Usagi: Hey guys. Why are we here?  
  
Chibiusa: We are mourning for the dead.  
  
Rei: Who died?  
  
Chibiusa: Makoto!  
  
Usagi: Oh. So?  
  
Chibiusa: It is unimaginable of how big of an idiot you are!  
  
Ami: I think we should explore this place.  
  
Minako: Why?  
  
Ami: So we can see where Makoto got that tape that killed her.  
  
Chibiusa: There's no tape! You are all morons! And you Ami are spoofing the wrong fucking movie!!!  
  
Usagi: Chibiusa. You need to calm down.  
  
Chibiusa: I can't calm down! You are all idiots. I can't believe this is how you react to your friend's death! You should be wailing, but instead you want to explore this place. Oh my God! Why am I even yelling at you, it's not like your vagina-brains are picking up any of this! And-  
  
* a fat, masked man ran through the room with a sharp object and ripped Chibiusa in two.  
  
Usagi: Oh my God! He killed her!  
  
Usagi, Ami, Rei, and Minako: AHH!  
  
* They start running away from him. He begins chasing them.  
  
Ami: We're all gonna die!  
  
* They run into an intersection. One way leads to the meat factory and the other to the service station.  
  
Minako: Which way do we go?  
  
Rei: That man said to the service station.  
  
Usagi: We should split up!  
  
Ami: What? We're going to the service station. That man told us to.  
  
Usagi: Fine, you can just kiss my ass! I'm going left!  
  
* Usagi runs left into the meat factory. The other three go to the service station. Usagi quickly runs back and switches the signs so her path says service station and the other three's says meat factory. She runs down her path again.  
  
* The madman runs up to the signs. He goes right thinking it's the meat factory. Usagi runs through the meat factory and outside. She sees a car, so she takes it and drives off.  
  
* Ami, Rei, and Minako run down to the service station. There is only one window there, but it is locked.  
  
Ami: Break it open with your Crescent Beam, Minako.  
  
Minako: I can't. I forgot my transformation pen at home.  
  
Rei: Get this chair!  
  
* Rei grabs a chair and throws it through the window. It shatters. The girls start running out of the window. Ami is the last one, but the madman grabs her hair.  
  
Ami: AHH!  
  
* The madman takes his sharp object and cuts her bigger tit off.  
  
Ami: No! My precious!  
  
* The Madman rips her torso into tidbits.  
  
* Minako and Rei see Ami get butchered, and the madman getting out of the window.  
  
Rei: Run!  
  
* They start running again. They go through a door labeled "Employees Only". Inside the room, Rei and Minako see bodies and body ligament hanging off the ceiling.  
  
Minako: Eww!  
  
Rei: No time for squirming, keep running!  
  
* Minako and Rei run through and door. There is a big "McDonalds" pole outside of the door. They realize that they just went through McDonalds meat storage room.  
  
Minako: So that's what they put in those burgers!  
  
Rei: Keep runni- AHH!  
  
* The madman jumps in front of Minako. And, with his sharp object, impales her head into the ground.  
  
Rei: AHH!  
  
* Rei continues running. She runs up in front a truck and slams on the door. The trucker ignores her, and drives off.  
  
Rei: Shit! Ahh!  
  
* She continues running. The madman gets a little closer to her. Rei trips and falls. The madman grabs her hair and drags her back home.  
  
* Back at the Kino House. Rei wake up from her unconsciousness and sees a family sitting and watching TV. One of the members is the madman.  
  
Rei: Ahh!  
  
Kino Father: Oh hush up. You'll wake up the baby.  
  
Rei: Get away from him. He'll kill you!  
  
Kino Mother: No he won't. We're family. He only goes after troublemakers.  
  
Rei: But I'm not a troublemaker.  
  
Kino Mother: Sure you are. (Starts crying) They all make fun of Billy's skin condition. No one took time to care and see how he feels, no one! That's why they all hang at that McDonalds!  
  
Rei: Lady, get help! I never even seen that man before.  
  
Kino Father: Billy; go take her to the factory.  
  
Rei: NO!  
  
* The madman grabs Rei's hair and drags her.  
  
Rei: Stop it! My hair hurts! Lift me up!  
  
* The madman lifts Rei up, and puts her over his shoulder. He continues to the factory.  
  
Rei: Thank you.  
  
Madman: No prob.  
  
Rei: By the way, what will you do with me?  
  
Madman: I'll first cut your hair off, and then give you a plastic surgery.  
  
Rei: Oh, you mean like a face-lift?  
  
Madman: Sort of. I'll peel your skin and then make a mask out of it.  
  
Rei: Eww!  
  
Madman: I know, but there's nothing better to do.  
  
Rei: Why not read a manga?  
  
Madman: What's that?  
  
Rei: Japanese comic books. They have deep storylines and you really get into the plot.  
  
Madman: Sounds interesting. But, I have to torture and kill you.  
  
Rei: Aww.  
  
* The madman hangs Rei onto a hook.  
  
Rei: Ahh! That hurts!  
  
Madman: Ya well, too bad.  
  
* He takes a sharp object off of his laboratory table, and chops Rei's leg off.  
  
Rei: AHH!  
  
* Then he takes a handful of salt and shoves it up her leg.  
  
Rei: AHHH! (Starts crying)  
  
* The madman leaves, and then returns after two hours. Rei is unconscious from the pain. He pulls her off of the hook, and begins a plastic surgery on her.  
  
* After he completes it, he takes her body upstairs to his family.  
  
Madman: Hey y'all. What you think about my new creation?  
  
Family: Aww!  
  
* The madman hangs Rei over the TV so everyone can see her. Her hair was butchered off, she had a leg missing, her arms and head had no skin on them, her breasts were gone, and her eyes were hanging by their cornea.  
  
Narrator: We end this documentary with a cliffhanger; however, we will make a conclusion, due to the fact that this was a parody of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The one thing we will reveal is that 'Billy' was actually Hotaru in disguise. She killed the real Billy Kino and made a fat suit out of his body. She is on her way to killing off all of the Senshi. But one more remains. Sailor Moon.  
  
Continued later. (maybe) 


	10. Session 09: Hotaru Tomoe

Session 09: Hotaru Tomoe  
  
* Hotaru gets out of her 'Billy Kino' outfit. She goes back to her apartment and starts watching TV. The phone rings.  
  
Hotaru: Hello?  
  
Usagi: Hey Hotaru, It's me, Usagi.  
  
Hotaru: And.  
  
Usagi: I need your help. Everyone's dead I think and I don't have my transformation brooch with me.  
  
Hotaru: So.  
  
Usagi: Well, come and get me. I'm at the downtown shopping mall.  
  
Hotaru: Bye.  
  
* Hotaru hangs up on Usagi. She gets an evil look on her face.  
  
Hotaru: And then there was one.  
  
* Back at the downtown mall; Usagi tries to sell herself to prostitution for money to go back home.  
  
Usagi: Oh come on guys! I've already been with someone so you're guaranteed experience.  
  
* A little boy walk up to her.  
  
Little Boy: I'll do you.  
  
Usagi: What are you, eight? Are you crazy? Get out of her you bastard!  
  
* Hotaru arrives at the famous doctor's office.  
  
Hotaru: Hello? Anyone here?  
  
* The doctor jumps out of a room.  
  
Doctor: How may I help you?  
  
Hotaru: Um. You have something on your nose. It looks sticky.  
  
Doctor: That's nothing! What do you want?  
  
Hotaru: I would like a face-lift.  
  
Doctor: But you look nine.  
  
Hotaru: And nine is close to thirteen. Once I'm thirteen, I'll be a teenager. Right after that there's maturity and BOOM I look like Oprah.  
  
Doctor: Oh I so sorry. Come right this way.  
  
* The theme song to ER begins playing in the background.  
  
Doctor: Give me a 9" scalpel.  
  
Nurse: A what?  
  
Doctor: The shiny thin next to the cup of water.  
  
Nurse: Oh! Here you go.  
  
Doctor: I have to be careful, and. SHIT!  
  
Nurse: Oh no, you made a boo-boo.  
  
* Hotaru wakes up from the surgery.  
  
Hotaru: How is it doctor?  
  
Doctor: I'll be clean. I accidentally ripped your face off. But it's okay; I replaced it with a donor face.  
  
Hotaru: Oh crap! Donors always have ugly faces!  
  
Doctor: This one is a celebrity.  
  
Hotaru: Who?  
  
Doctor: The only celebrity donor out there, Rosie.  
  
Hotaru: The fat, white lesbian?  
  
Doctor: Yes.  
  
Hotaru: I guess I can live with that. But I'm not paying!  
  
Doctor: Suit yourself.  
  
* Hotaru leaves the office and heads to the mall. She arrives and drags Usagi out of the mall.  
  
Hotaru: Are you selling your body for money? (Shocked)  
  
Usagi: Yes. I need to get home! (Wailing)  
  
Hotaru: I've decided that it's time to end you life.  
  
Usagi: What, why?  
  
Hotaru: Because I've dispatched with all of the others, except maybe Haruka might still be alive.  
  
Usagi: YOU killed all of them?  
  
Hotaru: Ya. Who do you think did it?  
  
Usagi: But what about Rei, Ami, and Minako?  
  
Hotaru: I pretended to be some crazy, fat man, and butchered them.  
  
Usagi: But you're not fat.  
  
Hotaru: (Happy) Oh thank you. (Serious) I took the real rat man's body and made it into a suit.  
  
Usagi: Well you won't get me.  
  
Hotaru: There's nothing you can do, since you forgot your transformation brooch at home, you're powerless.  
  
Usagi: Not quite.  
  
* Usagi speeds off at the speed of light. Hotaru runs after her.  
  
Continued later. (maybe) 


	11. Session 10: Usagi Tsukino

Session 10: Usagi Tsukino  
  
* Usagi continues running, until she sees the doctor office. She runs inside of it.  
  
Usagi: Doctor! I need to look different now!  
  
Doctor: Okay, okay. Don't shout.  
  
* The doctor lays Usagi onto a bed.  
  
Doctor: What would you like?  
  
Usagi: Breast implants like Ami's, ass implants like Makoto's, a penis like Haruka's, a vagina like Michiru's, and highlights like Minako's!  
  
Doctor: Great! Just one thing. Who are those people?  
  
Usagi: They're my friends. The ones you screwed up with on their surgeries.  
  
Doctor: Oh, them. Okay.  
  
* The doctor begins surgery on Usagi. After six hours, he's completed.  
  
Doctor: A masterpiece!  
  
Usagi: You think so? (Looks at herself in the mirror.) All of these adjustments remind me of my deceased friends, thank you.  
  
Doctor: Great. That'll be $100,000,000.45.  
  
Usagi: But no one else had to pay.  
  
Doctor: But I didn't screw up on you.  
  
Usagi: Yes you did! My boobs are supposed to be unequal, my ass is supposed to be gigantic, my highlights are supposed to burn my brain, my penis, I don't have a PENIS! And furthermore, my vagina is supposed to be huge.  
  
Doctor: Fine! Go, you crazy bitch.  
  
* Usagi runs out of the office.  
  
Hotaru: There you are! I've been looking for you for six hours! Where've you been?  
  
Usagi: Getting adjusted!  
  
* Usagi runs home. Hotaru goes after her.  
  
Hotaru: Get out of you house! You can't hide from me.  
  
* Usagi gets out of her house as Sailor Moon.  
  
Hotaru: Aw crap.  
  
Usagi: Who gon' die now?  
  
Hotaru: You are!  
  
* Hotaru raises her hands and transforms into Sailor Saturn. She raises her scythe.  
  
Hotaru: Time to end this! SCILENT GLAIVE SURPR-  
  
Usagi: Hold it! I haven't done my speech yet!  
  
Hotaru: Fine! Go.  
  
Usagi: Who do you think you are? I am the agent of love and justice! I am the sailor suited pretty soldier, Sailor Moon!  
  
Hotaru: Done yet?  
  
Usagi: Yes! And now it's time for me!  
  
* Usagi gets out her magic staff.  
  
Usagi: Silver Crystal Kiss!  
  
* A streak of feathers hit Saturn. A deep evil voice shouts "No!" out of Saturn's body.  
  
Usagi: Oh my God! Who're you?  
  
Bill: Hi, I'm Bill Gates, the source of all evil.  
  
Usagi: What are you doing imitating Sailor Saturn?  
  
Bill: Well, people stopped buying my Windows. I'm loosing my money, so I decided to make a reputation for myself. If I killed the only all-girl team of super heroes, people will see me a 'cool' and buy my computers again.  
  
Usagi: What the fuck was all that talking? The reason no one buys your shitty-ass computers is because the suck monkey balls! Maybe if you made your computers good, people would buy them again.  
  
Bill: I think you have a point.  
  
Usagi: Of course I do. I'm the only one who managed to beat you! So HA!  
  
Bill: Oh. Have you beaten me?  
  
Usagi: Yes.  
  
Bill: Well I think not. Because as long as there are Windows computers out there, there will always be EVIL. Ha, ha, ha!  
  
* A helicopter lands near Bill Gates, and he climbs in.  
  
Bill: So long sucker! HA, HA, H-  
  
* Bill Gates' helicopter crashes into a skyscraper, and blows up.  
  
Usagi: Wow, ouch.  
  
* Usagi goes to Haruka's apartment.  
  
Usagi: Hey Haruka.  
  
Haruka: Hey. We're your friends?  
  
Usagi: They're all dead.  
  
Haruka: Tough. But Michiru died too.  
  
Usagi: Really? That's sad. Guess what, Setsuna died too, and Hotaru's missing.  
  
Haruka: So we're the only ones of the senshi left?  
  
Usagi: Pretty much.  
  
Haruka: Say, have you ever thought about being a lesbian?  
  
Usagi: It's crossed my mind.  
  
* Haruka throws Michiru's body out of the window, and lays Usagi onto her bed.  
  
Haruka: You're gonna love this.  
  
* Haruka and Usagi screw. Meanwhile, back at the doctor's office.  
  
Doctor: You know what?  
  
Nurse: What?  
  
Doctor: I didn't get one fucking dime, and I did eight fucking surgeries! This is bullshit!  
  
Nurse: Oh, silly boots. I stole all of their wallets while you were doing their surgeries.  
  
Doctor: How much?  
  
Nurse: Altogether, we have $780.25, and three credit cards.  
  
Doctor: I love you, you genius!  
  
* The doctor pushes his nurse onto the lab table and starts screwing him.  
  
* And so, all of the sailor senshi, except for Usagi, Haruka, and Hotaru (who's missing) are dead. Usagi and Haruka are now lovers, and Michiru's body blocks the streets of Japan.  
  
THE END 


End file.
